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PRIORITIZING PLEASURE, PASSION AND PLAY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND YOUR LIVES!!!

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JUNE 2021 LOVE CALENDAR


Be intentional about loving your partner. Show a willingness to

embrace erotic encounters and foster intimacy and connection. Drawing a blank on how to do that? Here’s some creative ideas! Try to do at least two a week!💋


June 1-National Dare Day! Dare yourself to indulge in that sexy fantasy you keep tucked in your mind!

June 2-International Sex Workers Day! Dress up as a sultry sex worker and seduce your partner!

June 3-Wonder Woman Day! Get out your tiara, your red boots and go lasso your partner-yes you may use your lasso in any number of creative ways!🐱‍🏍

June 4-Black Music Month! Discover your favorite Black musicians and create a date night around listening to your favs!🎶

June 5-National Kandee (Candy) Month! Create a basket of your partner’s favorite delicious candies and deliver it as breakfast in bed!

June 6-Soul Food Month! Go online and find some delicious soul food recipes and cook up a scrumscious dinner for your mate! Or better yet, enjoy creating that meal together!

June 7-National Adult Sex Ed Month! Research can be fun! Look up at least three sex related podcasts and enjoy listening and talking about ways to enhance your love life!

June 8-Celibacy Awareness Month! Pretend you are celebate and show your partner three different ways you can demonstrate your love, desire and passion for them without actually having sex!

6/9-Happy National Sex Day! You’re breaking your celibacy today! Celebrate today by having whatever kind of glorious sex makes your toes curl!

June 10-Effective Communication Month! Make this fun by communicating with your partner (and making sure they understand) the top 5 reasons why you love them, the top 4 reasons you desire them, the top three things you love to do to them during sexy time, the top two things you love that they do to you during sexy time and the top one reason you’re going to pleasure them right now!

June 11-Pride Month! Celebrate Pride Month by learning about and exploring alternative sexual expressions and identities with your partner!

June 12-World Bike Naked Day! Hmmm, enjoy a nice bike around the neighborhood! Or hop on that indoor bike and create a whole new exercise routine!🚲

National Loving Day! Celebrate the beautiful love story of Mildred and Richard Loving who were arrested for interracial marriage, took their case to court and won the right to marry! Embrace your own love story and share with each other your favorite parts and why you’d do it all over again!

Eat Ass Day! Tossing salad, rimming, biting the peach, butt munching, analingus, however you wanna say it, it’s the day to indulge in something new or keep doing what you do! And don’t forget the taint!

June 13-Racial Unity Day! Each partner choses a race different from their own, researches the beauty of that culture, try to discover a rest or shop and shares the wonder of that with each other. Help promote racial harmony and understanding!

June 14- National Bourbon Day! Head to your local pub and enjoy tasting the sexy bourbon stiletto cocktail or try the hot buttered bourbon! Flirt outrageously with your partner as you try on these sexy drinks!

June 15-Worldwide Day of Giving! Dedicating a day to giving $10 to a stranger/volunteering/or donating $10. Then get even more connected by joining your partner in giving to each other when your finished with your genorosity!

June 16-National Fudge Day! Yum! A day to sample all those delicious flavors of fudge! While there isn’t actually scientific research that definitively say the ingredients in chocolate will increase sex drive, it doesn’t mean it won’t. Take the challenge and decide for yourselves!

June 17-Global Garbage Man Day! Take the time to thank your worker! Set out some treats for him with a thank you note! And/or, one of you dress the part and role play the other coming to take you away!

June 18-International Picnic Day! Time to pull out that blanket and pack your picnic basket with some sexy finger foods. Take turns feeding each other grapes, strawberries and other delicious treats! Allow yourself to become a delectable buffet by stacking bits of tasty treats on your naked torso…now you have become the picnic! Enjoy!

June 19-National Kissing Day! There are at least 23 ways to kiss your partner! Discover all 23 ways, try them out and then vote on your favorites!

June 20-Global Orgasm day! Give yourselves permission to give and receive some delicious orgasms! Remember though, even if one of you doesn’t, enjoy the journey!😜

National Public Display of Affection Day! It’s time for date night! And be sure you are on full display demonstrating your affection for your partner! Hold hands, gaze into each other’s eyes, hug, show your partner and the world how much you love and desire your beloved!

June 21-World Kamasutra Day! Enjoy the longest day of the year by trying out different sex positions! Check out the book and then agree to try out the positions that seem fun for you both. Try the position and then talk about the experience. And then try another…and another….!!!

June 22-No Panty Day! Go out on a date night feeling provocative-no panties day! Have a male partner join you, they can go commando! Enjoy the feel of the fresh air knowing how close your sensitive parts are to your lover…how reachable, available……

June 23-Alzheimer’s/Brain Awareness Month-Learn more about this topic, what kind of care and provisions you’d want for yourself and the expectations you’d have of your partner. What about your parents? Is this a possibility for them and how might the two of you navigate that? Deep discussions breed connection, closeness and intimacy.

June 24-Celebrate Your Senses Day! Enjoy a delicious day of creating experiences of the erotic and the sensual. Put on some sexy music (hear), spritz your favorite fragrance (smell)…take it from there!

June 25-Global Beatles Day! Dig out your favorite Beatles songs who embodied love, gratitude and peace. Sway to the music as you remind your partner why you love them, what you’re grateful for about them and enjoy the sexy peace!

June 26-Same Sex Marriage Day! If you’re in a relationship where you married the same sex, congratulations! Here’s your second anniversary date! Go out and celebrate love! Love between two people or more doesn’t need to be defined by their race, sexual orientation, their sexual expression etc. No, love between two people is just that, and that is always ok!

June 27-PTSD Awareness Month-Research a bit together about PTSD, how it shows up in individuals and how it impacts partners and families. Then get real about experiences/traumas you may have experienced, discussions on what each of you need for self care, to fill your own tank and then tell your partner what you need from them to fill your tank. You fill yours first; then endeavor to make daily deposits in your partner’s account.

June 28-Men’s Health Month! Time to get those annual screenings, take that physical. Drink water, eat healthy, exercise and have that daily orgasm. All kinds of research on the possibilities!

June 29-Hug Holiday! Nothing better than being in the arms of your loved one, right?! So hug!! Hug in the morning, hug at night. Hug when you leave the house and when you come home. Hug when you’re happy and hug when you’re sad. Try out the soul embrace-hugging each other until you feel the other person relax in your arm. Try this out for a week and check out the impact!

June 30-Outfit of the Day Day! Ok, Divas and Dudes! Time to strut your stuff! Oh yes! Dress up ready for the runway and act out an amazing turn and bend and entice your partner while they watch you model your outfit of the day! Be sure to take turns savoring each other’s performances!👗💋



IT’S K.I.S. COUNSELING'S MAY SEXYTIME CALENDAR!!! 💋


M​ay 1-National Garden Naked Day: enjoy every part of this outdoor activity by completely stripping down while planting those flowers!!🌹

M​ay 2-8-International Clitoris Awareness Week: take the opportunity to learn all about this amazing part; a part there solely for pleasure!

May 2-8-Hug Holiday Week: go in for that soul embrace, only letting go when you feel your partner relax in your arms💞

May 4-10 Screen Free week: go dark! Just BE with your partner, talking, loving, being present

May 5-National Make Out day!: Be sure those lips are soft and supple as you invite your partner to a hot and heavy make out session! (clothing optional!)

May 7 –Worldwide Day of Genital Autonomy

May 8 - Outdoor Intercourse Day: find a secret hideaway, off road, in bumf*ck town and indulge in the great outdoor experience!

May 9-Masturbation Month!: All month! Practice every kind of touch, speed it up or slow it down; maybe a toy, maybe not; explore and enjoy!

May 11-National Physical Fitness & Sport Month: try the Strength of Seduction Couple’s workout videos; sizzling hot with a variety of amazing workouts guaranteed to get your heart racing!

May 12-Limerick Day: ahhh, time to write a lovely little limerick telling your partner how much you adore them😉

May 15-Nylon Stocking Day: dress up and feel the sheer nylon on your skin, modeling your sexy self for your partner

May-14- Online Romance Day: send your lover an erotic message, entice through the computer…by the time you meet in person, whew!!💌

May 17-International Day Against Transphobia, Homophobia and Biphobia: speak up and stand against hate and phobias and embrace people for who they are and who they love

May 18-Pansexual and Pan-romantic Visibility Day: truly see the people around you who identify this way, welcome seeing them, savoring the beauty of choice/diversity and explore with your partner how this feels💟

May 18-International Museum Day: go on a research mission to find all the sex related museums out there; they are everywhere! Then take some virtual tours!

May 21-Armed Forces Day: oohh!! Can you see yourself all dressed up as a soldier getting ready to ship out? Savoring that last kiss, touch before you head out…dress up and immerse yourself in the experience of role play! (Uh, you could also thank a vet; in whatever way you choose)

May 24—National Photo Mth: get ready to create a sexy boudoir shoot with your partner, taking turns taking some great erotic shots of your amazing love

May 25-National Date Your Mate Month: take turns planning date every week; create that opportunity where you are showing up for your partner, seeing them, valuing them💕

May 29-International Jazz Day: look up some great Jazz musicians and create a space where you and your partner can be still and enjoy connecting through music🎶

Celebrate Spring with Couple’s Appreciation Month! 💋


Spice up your month by celebrating your love for your partner! 


APRIL 2021


1 2 3

4

Naughty Easter Egg hunt-put fun messages in the eggs!

5

STI Awareness Mth-go get tested with your partner 6

7

National Coffee Cake Day-make coffee cake together dressed in favorite sexy morning clothes

 8

Sexual Assault Awareness Mth-practice consent with each other

 9

National Name yourself day-create a sexy moniker or each other 

 10

Alcohol Awareness Mth-have a fun wine tasting treat

11

National Cheese Fondue Day-put the lights on low and take turns feeding each other assortment of foods dipped in cheesy fondue

12

13

National Scrabble Day-the naughty version! Only sexy words make it to the scrabble board!

 14

Cake and Cunnilingus Day-bake a cake and have two tasty desserts! 15

16

National Horny Day-Show your partner how much you desire them today!

 17

Haiku Poetry Day-write your lover a beautiful poem

18

Anal Sex Day-enjoy some anal play today!😜

19

 20

Stress Awareness Mth-take all the stress off your partner by giving them an amazing orgasm! 21

 22

Send Your Man Nudes Day-get sexy and send those sexy snapshots!👀

 23

National Picnic Day-create a sexy space and feed each other finger foods 

 24

Lingerie Day-strut your stuff in your favorite lingerie👙

25

National Telephone Day-have hot sexy phone sex!

26

National Pretzel Day-make different dipping for the pretzels and then sample them all 🥨27 

 28

National Superhero Day-dress up in your favorite superhero costume and share all your powers with your partner!🐱‍🏍

 29

International Dance Day-get your sexy dance moves on!🎶

 30

National Honesty Day-share how much you love you partner 💕



3/21/21

#equalityforall #racialequality #endracism

#lovingeveryone

INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR THE ELIMINATION OF RACIAL DISCRIMINATION

Every year on Mar 21, the world celebrates the International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination. This day is a call for solidarity against racism and racial discrimination.

History: On Mar 21 1960, police in Sharpeville, South Africa opened fire and killed 69 people who were peacefully protesting against the apartheid. So in 1966, the United Nations General Assembly called for efforts from all parts of society and the world to unite against all forms of racial discrimination.

Organizations, families and individuals are actively working to eliminate racism and ethic discrimination.

This year’s theme is “Youth standing up against racism”. This campaign is about fostering a global culture of tolerance, equality and anti-discrimination and to stand up against racial prejudice and intolerant attitudes.

So on this day, and every day, STAND UP! Be part of the solution!  💋  

  

3/14/21

#gamblingaddiction #gamblingawaressnessmonth #gamblingsupport #helpwithgambling

1-800-GAMBLER TEXT 1-800-522-4700 TEXT ILGAMB TO 53342

*Information taken from http://weknowthefeeling.org


Gambling is popular: 83% of Americans gambled in the past year, and there is at least one form of legalized gambling available in 48 of the 50 states.

For most people, gambling is a social activity that is used for entertainment and recreational purposes, but for an estimated 3% of the population, gambling is a problem.

According to a National Survey of Problem Gambling Services, more than 2% of adults in Illinois demonstrated gambling disorders.

A 2017 Wallethub report on the most gambling addicted states, ranks Illinois as 18th highest. For the criteria ‘Gambling problem and treatment’ Illinois ranks 2nd.

And maybe most alarming is that Illinois is at the top of the list for the most gambling related arrests per capita.

Problem gambling is a growing issue in the United States and around the world. You’re not alone. Problem gambling affects each generation differently. Youth risk developing a gambling problem at a rate of about two to three times that of adults, and approximately 6% of U.S. college students have a gambling problem.

From online gaming, casinos, gaming machines, sports betting, bingo premises, betting shops, lottery tickets, the gambling industry is blowing up! And as the opportunities expand, so do the problem gamblers. The problem gambler does not act in isolation but will affect 7-10 people in their immediate circle. Best evidence also shows that 38% of problems gamblers are perpetrators of intimate partner violence. There are high instances of co-occurring serious mental health conditions such as mood disorders and substance use disorders. Problem gamblers are also at 3-4x increased risk of suicide.

Recovery from gambling problems is possible. National Problem Gambling

Awareness Month is a grassroots effort that strives to draw attention the

those struggling with problem gambling and brings together a wide range of

stakeholders - public health organizations, advocacy groups and gambling

operators – who work collaboratively to let people know that hope and help

exist. 💋


3/7/21 THE GODDESS ARRAY

#intentional #relationshipsatisfaction #maritalbliss

#pleasureprompts


It’s Women’s History Month!

So in this month, especially, value and adore your lady partner! Turns out all those little sweet gestures, that attention to detail, the romantic effort, yea, all of that really does matter! And research confirms it! In her 2012 book, Vagina, (which is heavy on biological research), Naomi Wolf wrote about these practices and how important they are to a woman’s sexual vibrancy.

THOSE THINGS A WOMAN NEEDS TO FEEL LOVED, DESIRED, SEXUAL AND APPRECIATED.

ASK YOUR LADY IF SHE NEEDS THESE THINGS AND HOW YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH THEM.

 GODDESS NETWORK

 THINGS A WOMAN NEEDS TO BE OPEN/SATISFIED SEXUALLY

 BASED ON TANTRA PRACTICE AND SCIENCE

 FEELS SAFE, RESPECTED AND VALUED, UNIQUELY LOVELY

 DIFFERS PER WOMAN

1. VALUE AND HELP HER-she needs to know verbally that she is cherished and that you are committed to her

2. BRING HER FLOWERS/DIM LIGHTS/RELAX HER-make the effort for peaceful/safe environment; making that preparatory tribute/gesture shows you value her arousal

3. HELP GET HER INTO ORGASM TRANCE STATE-relaxation/disinhibition go together

4. HUG HER/CUDDLE HER/SLOW DANCING-scent important and she can smell you when you dance, hug or cuddle (or think good and plenty and cucumbers)

5. GAZE INTO HER EYES-strengthens connection; women crave this

6. TALK TO HER/LISTEN TO HER-going silent creates anxiety for women-she needs to talk to calm down

7. STROKE, DON’T SNAP-caressing her helps to calm her-stimulates oxytocin; yelling/snapping on her closes her down

8. FIND HER SACRED SPOT AND STAY-be patient and compassionate-use clitoral stimulation and ask what she likes; average orgasm in man 4 min-women 11-16 min

9. TELL HER SHE’S BEAUTIFUL-make her feel like she’s the goddess she is; verbalize admiration, that she is beautiful and unique and the only one for you

10. DON’T BE SCARY,DON’T BE BORING-keep seducing her/ surprising her with flowers, notes etc

11. DO WHAT SHE LIKES TO HER NIPPLES-nipple stimulation releases oxytocin-love exists and can be trusted

12. EJACULATE-semen contains trace mood elevators/feel closer and joyful

13. YOU’LL DRIVE HER CRAZY IF YOU DON’T-she’ll be irritable, uninterested sexually

14. DO MANY NONSEXUAL THINGS TO STOKE THE FIRE-DO A CHORE, TAKE THE TIME, NOTICE HER💋




2/21/21


It’s Creative Romance Month! 10 Things You Can Do even in Quarantine!

#loveyourself #selfcare #romance #spicingitup #​loveyourpartner #maritalbliss #relationshiplast


Let’s face it. We live in a ridiculously busy society where work, getting to the gym, hitting the latest restaurant, watching the hottest Netflix series, knowing about every political decision that impacts the world, and ensuring your child makes it on the best travel league, because really, how else will they get that D-1 scholarship? Oh, and be sure to do all this with a smile, creating chef quality meals and performing porn worthy sexual acts with your partner all the while looking amazing and without missing a beat! Yeah okay, WTF?!! What the literal fuck??!! 👀 We put such pressure on ourselves to be these robotic humans that look perfect, perform exceptionally, that are all knowing and it’s killing us!!! Creating these unrealistic ideas of Booty Boobie Betty who bakes the best brownies and whose business banks the most bucks! And Musclebound Matt who makes a mean meatloaf, monitors his millions all the while mentoring the math league and the MMA men and still making time to making moony eyes at Betty sitting in his Mercedes. Yeah-these people exist in Utopia! No one can be all doing, all being and know everything! It’s not possible! And damn, what a boring place to be if there weren’t things to learn, mistakes to be made?! Without some darkness, how can we ever appreciate the light?

So I scoff at perfectionism! Scorn the impossible narrative that others before me created without my input and endeavor to create innovative scripts and my own unique story. I can be whoever I want to be! And so can you!!

So in this month of creative romance, LOVE YOURSELF! Latch on to what amps your engine, what floats your boat and do that! Create some romance in your life with your partner, or if unpartnered, romance yourself! Because You matter and You are amazing!! Try these things for yourself or with/for your partner.


1. Draw a delicious bath with soft candles, music and warm sudsy water.

2. Pack a lunch with a sexy love note reminding them why you love and desire them.

3. Go dark, with cell phone, computers, laptops, tv’s all off, light some candles and talk about your fears, your fantasies and your fun.

4. Put on some music and have a night of dancing.

5. Game night! Whether it’s naked twister, sexy scrabble or simply crazy 8, have fun with it!

6. Indoor picnic with your favorite finger foods.

7. Romantic movie night; cuddle under the blanket and eat popcorn while watching your favorite flick.

8. Get that phone out and create some silly, some sexy and some sultry selfies and couple pics!

9. Choose a book and take turns reading out loud to each other.

10. Choose a great recipe and get to chopping and sautéing in the kitchen together!


The point is to enjoy yourself and each other. Celebrate your love and endeavor to treat the one you love with wonder and care, prioritizing pleasure, passion and play in your relationship and your life! 💋



2/7/21       National Condom                                        Month!

It’s National Condom Month! Research shows condoms have been around for over 15,000 years. If you are with multiple partners, a new partner, or wanting to avoid pregnancy, then condoms are where it’s at! When worn correctly, condoms keep you 10,000 safer from STI’s according to a study done by Planned Parenthood. Condoms also are a significant aid in protecting against pregnancy-98% effective according to the latest research.

Condoms come in different sizes, thickness, lubricated vs non lubricated, ribbed, flavored, internal and even custom fit condoms! It’s really just whatever you prefer! Some important facts to remember to keep you safe and enjoying that pleasure, passion and play!💋


Inadequate condom width the most likely reason condoms break.


9 out of 10 men say they think a condom ruins sex. But 77% of women say they like the feel of a condom. 


84% of all couples worry the condom will break. 


Condoms make sex 10,000x safer!


19% of women carry a condom on a night out!


Nitrile is used to create condoms for females. Latex main one for male condom.


Ancient Egyptians used animal bladder for condoms.


First large scale use of condoms in the 16th century and it was made of linen and soaking in a chemical solution to prevent syphilis.


An average condom can hold a gallon of liquid.


Lambskin condoms DO NOT protect you from sexually transmitted infections. 


Latex condoms cannot be used with oil-based lubricants. Polyurethane can. 


Better fitting condom will minimize the risk of condom slippage and breakage.


Condom sizes:

Small-penis girth below4.7

Regular-penis girth 4.7-5.1

Large-girth bigger than 5.1 


They make custom fit condoms! TheyFit Custom Fit Condom 


Best Condoms of 2020:

Regular sized ultra thin condom:

Okamoto Crown Skinless Skin (17th time it has won; well known Japanese manufactor


Best condom of 2020 for the first time: Trojan ENZ Condoms


Best Condom of 2020 for female pleasure: Trojan Her Pleasure Lubricated Condoms 


Best Condom of 2020 for oral sex:

Trojan ENZ Non-lubricated Condoms 


Best condom of 2020 for lasting longer:

Durex Performax Intense Condoms


1/31/21 DELIBERATE PRACTICE

#loveyourpartner 

#deliberatepractice #couplelove #relationshipslast

"Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won't be an end."

I love this quote by Tony Robbins! Couples often come in talking about how they don’t spend time together, they don’t have sex anymore, they are no longer attracted to each other etc. So I wonder what happened? How did their love story evolve? How did they get together in the first place? What drew them to their partner? What was it about THAT person, that ONE that they just couldn’t do without?! Were they attracted to their mind? To the way they thought and spoke and articulated their ideas? Was it their smile that brightened their day? Or maybe it was something about those hands, the way their fingers held their. But whatever it was, they were once completely enamored and spent every waking moment thinking of them, talking to them, adoring the very space they held!

But now, fast forward and it’s 6 years into the relationship. While they still love the person, they noticed they are no longer attracted to them. Maybe they gained weight or lost weight. Maybe that smile that used to brighten their day now irritates the hell outa them! Or those hands they couldn’t wait to hold, now they feel repulsed when they wander in their direction. What happened? Well, hate to say it folx, but guess what I tell them? I say, YOU likely happened! Wait a minute, just stay with me here for a minute. Now let’s assume that for the most part the relationship has been good. So no huge betrayals, they are generally good partners with the children, the chores, the finances. They continue to share essentially the same values, laugh at the same jokes, enjoy the same kind of and frequency of sexual expression and activity. Given those points are all present and they still find themselves just not into the person or sexually attracted any longer, instead focusing on the belly they just cannot tolerate for example. Then yes-I tell them, it’s YOU!

When we hyper focus on the negative, ignoring the positive, our mind will definitely let us go there and then our libido will follow suite and then before you know it, you and your tired ass libido went all south; cranky and alone making snarky comments to the one you used to profess to adore! Then all you can think about is that damn belly getting in the way of all of your desire, the sexiness you want and then you’re pissed off at your partner. Why the hell aren’t they trying to lose that weight? They know I hate it!

Okay, slow down cowboy! This scenario, or  very like this that you might be struggling with? This, is all about you baby boy or girl or however you identify! Think about this. Take your eyes off of this stimulating read for about 2 minutes and look around the room wherever you are. Look for all the yellow things you see. Every yellow thing you can possibly see. Keep looking. Alright, come back to this post and grab a piece of paper. Now, without looking back up again, write down everything that you saw that was red. Yeah, you heard me. Red, write down everything you saw that was red. Yea you might be struggling. Why? Because you were hyper focused on the yellow things. But amazingly, there are several red items in the space but YOU just DIDN’T NOTICE them. You got lost in the sea of yellow.

When you hyper focus on the negative aspects of your partner, that is what you will see no doubt. Negativity. But when you look at it differently, you begin to notice it differently, you begin to feel differently and you will show up differently. I invite you to think about the concept of DELIBERATE PRACTICE. Being intentional about the acts and thoughts of positivity toward your partner. Shit, this works for any relationship and for work as well!

Be DELIBERATE about focusing on the positive aspects of your partner. The things you adore and love about them.

Make a CHOICE to notice the sexual, alluring qualities about your partner. CHOOSE to see them through that erotic lens of desire.

Be GRATEFUL for the way their eyes light up when you enter the room. For the way they sleep next to you every night.

Be INTENTIONAL about speaking, doing, acknowledging your respect, admiration, appreciation and desire for them every single day. Intentional EFFORT.

And that my friends is DELIBERATE PRACTICE!  💋 

 

Erectile Difficulties-Facts You should know

​#​sexualhealth #erectiledysfunction #menshealth #pleasure #ED #performanceanxiety #mentalhealth #healthandwellness


1. Extremely common! By age 40, 90% of males have experienced at least one instant of erectile failure. This is NORMAL and not a sign of erectile dysfunction.

2.The majority of erectile problems (especially for men under 50) are caused by psychological and relational factors, not medical or physiological issues.

3. It’s a natural physiological process for erections to wax and wane during prolonged pleasuring.

4. Anticipatory and performance anxiety are huge factors in ED. Don’t be a spectator focusing on the state of the penis. Be an active participant! And give yourself permission to enjoy the pleasures of sexuality.

5. Drinking or smoking can lead to erectile dysfunction.

Are you struggling with ED and aren’t sure who to talk to or what to do? If you’ve had a medical exam to rule out medical causes, checked medications to ensure they weren’t the culprit and you’re still experiencing difficulties, then please reach out. Over 30 million men in America are impacted by ED to some degree. If it has happened to you, we’re here to help.

Taken from Metz, M & McCarthy, B (2004) Coping with Erectile Dysfunction


1/17/2021

#martinlutherkingday #inspiration #famous quotes #honoringthemessage #racialequality #BLM

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr: An Inspiration

As we celebrate MLK Day, we also pause to remember the incredible impact and contribution he made to this country.

A Baptist minister with a doctorate in Theology, he led the country in promoting equality and combating racism. He was instrumental in helping to end segregation, in the creation of the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act.

He wrote a number of books and published countless articles. He spread his message of inspiration and activism through his incredible speeches.

He was named Man of the Year by Time magazine in 1963 and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for combating racial inequalities through nonviolence in 1964.

In addition to these accomplishments as well as so many others, he was famous for his thoughtful, encouraging words that resonated with so many people. His legacy continues to touch people today, his words giving them comfort, hope and serenity.

What’s your favorite MLK quote? I like these!💋


If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl. But by all means, keep moving.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.


1/3/2021

#​sexualhealth #cervicalcancer #selfcare

January is Cervical Cancer Health Awareness Month.

Over 13,000 women in the US are diagnosed with cervical cancer every year, and while all women are a risk, it occurs most often in women over 30 y/o. HPV (human papillomavirus) is typically the main cause of cervical cancer and is a common virus (most people who are sexually active will have it at some people in their lives). You can lessen the likelihood of cervical cancer if you see your doctor regularly for PAP and HPV testing, if you obtain the HPV vaccine, use condoms, limit the number of sexual partners and avoid smoking. If you do find yourself diagnosed with it, when found early and treated early, it’s highly curable.

Depending on the kind of treatment you have, your body’s response to sex may be impacted.

Chemotherapy-may lower estrogen levels which can impact vaginal lubrication, and the chemo may also impact vaginal tissue which can cause sores.

Radiation-this can also lower estrogen impacting vaginal lubrication. Vaginal stenosis, vaginal atrophy with itching, burning can all cause pain.

Medications given-opioids and some meds used to treat depression may lower your interest in sexuality.

Maintaining Intimacy and Sex after Cervical Cancer

• Keep talking! Communicating with your partner about what you’re feeling, what your needs are and how best to pleasure you.

• Considering joining a support group or talking with a therapist about managing changes in body image and sexual health.

• Expanding your idea of sexuality without the focus being on penetrative sex necessarily but being open to exploring kisses, massages, outer course and erotic touch and movement.

You should avoid open mouth kissing for 48-72 hours after chemo because saliva can contain chemo and you don’t want to expose your partner to that. Chemo can also be excreted through vaginal fluids so a condom should be used for 48-72 hrs after a treatment as well.

• Varying sexual positions. Experiment to discover what feels good to you as what used to be pleasurable may cause pain so giving yourself permission to engage in sex differently.

Vaginal dryness is one of the most common issues that comes up during and after cancer treatment. But there are steps you can take to help with vaginal changes.

• Using a really great lube can minimize discomfort but remember to avoid Vaseline or skin lotion as a lubricant as they can damage condoms and risk yeast infections.

• Using a vaginal moisturizer, regardless of sexual activity, 2-3x a week can help the vaginal tissue regain it’s natural moisture.

• Practicing self pleasure to increase blood flow to your vagina which keeps it healthy.

• Using a dilator 3x a week can keep your vaginal canal open to a normal size so you can have enjoyable sex. They can help to stretch the vagina and reduce vaginal narrowing.

• And finally, reminding yourself that you are an amazing warrior! You just kicked cancer’s ass and kept stepping! You had the incredible resilience to conquer what the universe threw at you and throw it back! Not today, Cancer!!

You. A beautiful, wonderful, strong warrior goddess!! A survivor!💋


#covid #lockdown #pleasure #sex #couples #singles

12/27/2020

Love in Lockdown: Has COVID curtailed Coitus?

Let’s face it, all this togetherness with our partners coupled with the isolation from family and friends

is not the norm for most people. While everyone is faced with essentially the same quarantine rules

and stay at home measures, it’s landing on people differently. Some folks are working from home and

locked up tight with their partner, others are similarly holed up but with the little munckins milling

about or older kids doing e learning. Others, such as health care workers and law enforcement, are

going to work, business as usual, but maybe working longer hours and/or exposed to COVID positive

people on the regular. Still others may have lost their jobs or been furloughed “until”.

Not everyone is partnered up though. Some folks are locked up solo, maybe working from home,

maybe not, maybe with kids or without but with no built in cuddle buddy physically present every

night.

With all this stress people are experiencing, and often with limited outlets to manage that stress or at

least with the usual ones such as going to the gym or hanging out with friends and family severely

limited, some people are struggling! Sex may be the last thing on your mind! The COVID has severely

curtailed your coitus!

So what’s a person to do? We know the amazing health benefits sex has such as better sleep, reduced

blood pressure, improved immune function, improved cognitive capacity in older adults as well as

many others! Prioritize pleasure, ​passion and play!

Couples with Roommates/Kids

 Ask for privacy/be intentional/schedule alone time and make it a priority

 Spend time in non demand pleasuring such as massage, bubble baths, sexy game night

 Read erotic literature together; better yet write your own!

 Spent time in body exploration of each other focusing on temperature (hot or cold), texture

(soft or rough) and pressure (hard or soft)

 Transform your bedroom into that sexy place you’ve always wanted to explore

 Try that new position or sex toy

Sexy Singles and Long Distance Lovers

 Swap erotic poems and stories

 Sexting and swapping sexy pics

 Phone sex

 Remote controlled sex toys

 Mutual self love

 Body exploration for yourself-you are responsible for your own orgasm-start discovering

what you like!

Conquer COVID so it doesn’t curtail your Coitus!!💋

12/19/20

#lowdesire #responsivedesire #wantingsexagain #builtforpleasure

Help! I want to want sex with my partner but I don’t

Would it surprise you to know that this is a fairly typical complaint from many women? Approximately 1/3 of women 18-59 will lose interest in sex at some point in their life. 1 in 6 Americans are considered to be in a sexless marriage-defined as sex less than once a month or less than 10x a year. And another study revealed that 80% of couples will experience desire discrepancy at some point in their relationship.

There are a plethora of reasons why this can happen.

Relationship issues/being less connected-the most obvious you might think. If you aren’t happy with your partner outside of the bedroom, it’s not a leap to think you might not be feeling it in the bedroom either. People are busy; often couples are like ships passing in the night. Working their asses off to get ahead, to keep up with the Jones, to get that nicer car, or pay off that credit card debt. You’re tired! But often at what cost?

Medical issues/pain-maybe you’re struggling with fibroids, heart disease, arthritis, obesity, thyroid issues, diabetes, endometriosis; many medical conditions can leave your sex life in a drought. Some medical conditions may also cause painful sex, so it’s always a good idea to rule out any medical causes. Who wants sex if it hurts? Unless that’s your thing of course!

Medications-antidepressants (11% of Americans take antidepressants), anti convulsants, anti anxiety or blood pressure medications can lower sexual desire. Steroid medications, oral birth control, opioid pain relievers can also be problematic.

Having children-yes, those devilish little imps can really tank the time for a tryst but also limit relationship satisfaction. It's normal to have decreased sex drive after giving birth and in one study 20 % had little or no desire for sex 3 months after delivery and another 21% had a complete loss of desire. Kids can be funsuckers! Oh, yes, I said it, kids can definitely suck the life right out of a sex life! (But yes, ladies, most women report decrease in libido is just temporary!)

Listening to the outside noise-Societal messages can be extremely problematic for a person’s sexual desires and on our ability to receive and to give pleasure, to embrace our bodies as well as our partners. The noise of relational trauma or other trauma that may have happened can be a huge barrier to a satisfying sex life as well.

Being goal oriented and results driven- (sex is not simply a meal just to be cooked and eaten but rather a smorgasbord to sample, and to savor) there’s often an over focus on actual intercourse and orgasms w/o the erotic idea of the pleasure that can lead up to that. When all the focus is on that as an end goal, you often miss the very element that can create that space for arousal and desire, inadvertently blocking the lustful wanting and longing for each other.

Lack of sex education-if you learned about the human sexual response cycle and place to much emphasis on that, well then you are gonna get your feelings hurt. People often have different ideas of arousal and desire patterns. For example, men “typically” have spontaneous desire, meaning nothing has to occur, no external stimulus necessarily has to be present for sex to be on their mind and for them to desire a sexual experience. On the other hand, women “typically” will respond to sexual activity given the right factors, whether it be feeling that kiss in that sweet spot, hearing that erotic song, smelling that candle burning or tasting traces of cinnamon on her partner’s lips. There are any number of “ons” that women identify as arousing and then when those particular elements are present, women may RESPOND sexually; and that may well be when her desire kicks in. Because it’s responsive desire. But it not being at the forefront of her mind or your mind doesn’t mean you’re frigid or cold or never wanting sex, it means you’re normal and have responsive desire, which incidentally most women do!

Ok so great, there’s actually a ton of reasons WHY it might occur, the question is, what can you DO about it? PLENTY!

The medical rule out and med eval check are the first course of action. Rule out these factors first. Check yourself to see if you’re abusing drugs or alcohol. Another killer of a great sexual experience –yes lowering your inhibitions by using substances also means you numb or block your pleasure centers! You may have meant to block whatever emotional or physical pain you were feeling, but you’ve also just blocked pleasure.

Check your parenting priorities and notice-have you become children centered or career centered? Is everything all about Bobby’s basketball game games or Suzy’s swim meets? Or maybe you work 70 hours a week, climbing that corporate ladder. Check these priorities and the time management of these without losing the connection in your relationship as a consequence.

Ok, so you’ve done the check up on all the possibilities and the issues don’t seem to be medical or medication related and you’re not sipping on wine just to get through the day. You’re not caught up in the Bebe’s kids and you’re not spending so much time at work that your car is about to be towed because corporate said the car hasn’t moved in 6 mths!

But if you’re STILL not feeling that sexual spark, that erotic energy, then come on in! Let’s talk and get down and deep about what kinds of messages plague you. Are you listening to the outside noise of societal messages telling you how to be sexually, buying into what you’re supposed to look like, what you’re supposed to want or desire? That good girls don’t? That we shouldn’t invite sexual encounters or shouldn’t like this position or whatever message you received and are retaining that plain just isn’t working for you anymore?

Or maybe you’re bored and you aren’t feeling the same old rote routine of how your sex usually goes. Incidentally, women tire of monogamy much quicker than men do. Maybe you still feel suffocated, shamed and guilty, like you don’t know what else to do to bring that wanting back.

Well, the great thing is this; there are so many exciting, innovative exercises, homework strategies and creative work that can be done to explore pleasure, passion and play. There are a number of ways to bring those elements of joy back into your life and to eroticize the relationship, keeping those elements at the forefront, on the burner, while constantly stroking that fire.

Female bodies are amazing and breathtaking in their capacity. The female body has the potential for multiple orgasm, with an entire organ, the clitoris, dedicated exclusively to pleasure. Yes, that is the ONLY reason we have that part! The female body is literally built for sexual pleasure!

If you feel the fire has gone out of your relationship and you feel hopeless about ever getting it ablaze again, come in and let’s chat. Let’s get real about what is happening with you and your partner and reinvigorate your sexual energy, create a sexual menu of delightful opportunities, a sensual blueprint and erotic lifestyle that works for your unique tastes and that has you and your partner in a deep, connected erotic partnership fraught with love, desire and passion.

Make your appointment today and discover how to prioritize your pleasure, passion and play in your relationships and your lives! 💋         

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